Breathe Brother, Breathe
From Bill Palladino:
(This was first posted, pre-covid, in November 2019).
I travel a lot for the work I do. It's part of the package, and I've learned to take it in stride. But that didn't come naturally; I had to cultivate it. I grew up in New York and inherited a tendency to treat frustration with guttural harrumphs or other loud displays of displeasure. Often, I'd take out my grievances on the people around me, especially those whose job it was to serve me. That too seemed an expectation of any New Yorker's outward reflection on the world.
Breathe Brother, Breathe
Then, I had an epiphany. While I might not control things like flight delays, seating discomfort, or bad food, I could control how I responded to these inevitable occurrences.
Thus, was born Bill the Zen traveler! I found a way to let all these offenses roll off my shoulders. More so, I realized many other people were experiencing the same issues along with me. Why not, I thought, spend my energy on making people around me feel a bit better. All I needed to do was smile, or buy someone a cup of coffee, or offer them my little foil packet of airline pretzels. It would be easy!
I started by gifting myself a little time. I got into the habit of booking earlier flights to my gigs so I wouldn't have to rush through airports worried about being late. And once I made that practical shift, the mental changes came quickly. The world inside airport terminals opened up to me. It was as if I'd blinded myself to many of the little miracles that were occurring every day, and suddenly I'd pulled off the shades. Shawn Achor, the NY Times best-selling author and Harvard researcher, talks about this phenomenon in his Ted Talk from 2012 titled The Happy Secret to Better Work.
“See, what we’re finding is, it’s not necessarily the reality that shapes us but the lens through which our brain views the world that shapes our reality.”
I love this quote and it helped prepare me for taking control of my travel experiences. Check out the full video, below.
Every frequent flyer will tell you their one pet peeve that dashes all hope of travel Nirvana. High up on the list for many would have to be encountering that unruly child with exasperated parents sitting nearby. Or, for some, depending upon the volume level, a child anywhere on the plane. Today, I'm in seat 31D on a Boeing 737a. It's on the aisle. Next to me, in seats 31E and 31F, sit a couple in their 30s. In the lap of the mother sitting in the right-side window seat is a small toddler. The father gives me one of those half-grimace, half-smiles and says in a sarcastic but clearly apologetic tone, "well, you get to be the lucky one on this flight!"
Right here, at this moment, the old Bill would've clammed up and reached down to take the earphones from my briefcase. Or I might have summoned my former New York hero, Rodney Dangerfield, and said to no one in particular, "Oh, wonderful boy! Yeah, he's a good boy. Now I know why tigers eat their young."
“Oh, wonderful boy! Yeah, he’s a good boy. Now I know why tigers eat their young.”
But the new Zen traveler Bill keeps Rodney bottled up and instead finds a new path toward air-travel bliss. I offer to hold the family's backpack while they get the little dude settled. "Breathe, Bill," I can hear myself saying. (And FYI, breathing does work to avert stress and create calm, click here for my short instructional on mindful breathing.) It's like doing yoga while strapped into a seatbelt!
All of us do well during pre-flight and takeoff. In mid-flight, the baby drops his bottle under the seat, and it rolls into the aisle. I quickly get up to retrieve it and hand it back with a smile. Now I'm starting to get points with the parents and maybe even with the toddler too. The kid looks at me and points his finger, and I immediately understand. "My name's Bill. What's your name," I say. The kid thinks this is hilarious and just starts that cackle-wah thing they do. His parents know that my question is actually directed at them. "I'm Shonda," says the mom, and the dad reaches out to shake my hand, saying, "I'm Robert and the little guy is Kashawn," with the mom chiming back in, "he's 18 months. "
“I’m Robert and the little guy is Kashawn...”
As the flight progresses, we settle into some light conversation about the challenges of moving their family from New York to Atlanta and how it is to raise children in this economy. When they learn I grew up in New York, we all wonder out loud if the Knicks will ever start winning again. They comment on how nice and easy-going I am. "A lot business travelers can be crabby." I tell them about convincing myself to just breathe when circumstances get tense or uncomfortable and how it helps me change my lens.
All of this conversation feels a lot like friendship, making the flight go a bit faster. Isn't that the same opportunity we have during every flight or casual encounter with a stranger? I think about poor "old Bill" and how many potential experiences like this he's missed through the years.
After the plane lands and we unbuckle to deplane, I have an idea. I grab one of the trusty little stuffed orange frogs I travel with (long story related to Shawn Achor, click here for more info) and ask Shonda if I can give it to Kashawn. His little face lights up as he takes it from me, causing him to drop his bottle immediately. It bounces once and starts rolling toward the back of the plane. My new friend Robert looks at me, rolls his eyes, and stands up to start the search.
"Breathe brother, breathe," I say. He turns around, grinning, and high-fives me. "You know it, man. You know it."
Stay awesome!
B.P.
*FULL DISCLOSURE: Krios Consulting is a strategic partner with Shawn Achor through Bill Palladino’s work with The International Thought Leader Network.